Parenting a child with special needs can be an incredibly rewarding experience, but it can also be extremely challenging. As a parent, you have a variety of responsibilities to manage, from taking care of your child's needs to juggling household chores, a job, the rest of your family and other daily tasks. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed out when you're trying to balance everything at once. Fortunately, there are ways to mediate those feelings of overwhelm and find a sense of balance in your life.
1. Acknowledge your feelings
The first step in mediating feelings of overwhelm associated with parenting a child with special needs is to acknowledge your feelings. It's important to recognize that it's okay to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious at times. You are not alone in this experience, and it's important to give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judgment. One way that we recommend getting in touch with your feelings is through journaling. With so many thoughts and "to-do's" running amuck in your mind, taking a moment to write things down can be very calming and therapeutic. Make a ritual around it. Block off ten minutes a day at a time that works best for you, make a cup of tea, grab a pretty journal that you're excited to write in and just let your mind go. When writing in a journal, you're not writing for anyone but yourself. Your ramblings don't have to make sense and punctuation and grammar certainly don't matter. After a week or two, take some time to read over what you've written and process it. You'll start to feel like you're getting a handle on your emotions because instead of those thoughts and feelings darting around in your head all day, they have a place to go. A place to be seen and felt. Feel your feelings. Even if just for a few minutes a day. You'll feel immeasurably better when making this a consistent practice.
2. Prioritize self-care
One of the most important things you can do to enhance feelings of well-being is to prioritize self-care. This means taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. Some ways to practice self-care include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Obviously, this is not an easy thing schedule into your already busy day. Self-care doesn't have to be a long, ritualistic evening of pampering (although those are great when you can!). Start small. Go for a five minute walk outside and take some deep, cleansing breaths. Hit your favorite drive-thru and grab a cup of tea or coffee and relish every sip (even if your kids are fighting in the back). Text a funny meme to an old friend and belly laugh for a bit. When dealing with the daily demands of special needs parenting, self-care has to look different, but that doesn't mean that it can be neglected entirely. Like the old adage says, "you can't pour from an empty cup" and while that might sound cliche, it's entirely true. Prioritize taking care of you too, however that may look.
3. Ask for help
This is another piece of advice that we realize is easier said than done. Parents of children with special needs have a tendency to feel that managing their child's condition is their responsibility and their responsibility alone. And while there may be some truth to that sentiment, humans have functioned best within communities, villages and tribes since the beginning of time. The isolation that comes with special needs parenting--whether self-imposed or due to subconscious (or conscious) shunning by others--can have devastating effects on caretakers. It is critical for the social, emotional, and mental health of the caretaker that help is sought and accepted. This might mean reaching out to family and friends for support, or seeking out professional help from a therapist or coach. It's important to recognize that you don't have to do everything alone, and that it's not only okay to ask for help when you need it, it's necessary. Perhaps you don't have family or friends who are willing or able to assist. What do you do in that case? There are often federal and state programs that can offer respite care if you qualify. Ask your child's doctor or teacher for a list of programs in your state that might be able to help. Hire an advocate or coach to help you navigate through the complexities of educational testing and IEP meetings. Spend some time on YouTube or in the self-help section of your public library. There is a wealth of knowledge out there, it's just a matter of knowing where to look and being forthcoming enough to ask for the help you need.
4. Break tasks into manageable pieces
Raising a child with special needs comes with all kinds of special assignments. Some days you find yourself researching the best medical specialists that deal with your child's diagnosis, other days you're searching for the highest rated adaptive shoes, strollers, or wheelchairs. When you're feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to break tasks into manageable pieces. First, prioritize which tasks are 'glass balls' and which are 'rubber balls'. The glass ball tasks are those that must be done ASAP for if they fall off of the to-do list they will shatter. The rubber ball tasks are those that if not done today will bounce back up onto your list to be completed at another time. Focus on the most important tasks first and then when time allows, move on to the less crucial things that need to get done. Second, start small. When faced with a large to-do item like "clean the house" or "find appropriate pre-school for high-functioning Autism", it's helpful to break it into smaller daily tasks. In terms of cleaning, start with one room (or one corner of one room) at a time. When searching for a particular school or service provider, start by gathering recommendations and doing some Internet research, then create a list of top choices and then start making phone calls and setting up tours. Giving yourself time to chip away at big to-do's helps you feel accomplished and is great for combating those feelings of overwhelm. Lastly, be careful not to set the bar too high for yourself. Some days, getting just one thing crossed off of your list is a big accomplishment. Celebrate that. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you're doing the very best that you can.
5. Practice mindfulness
Finally, practicing mindfulness can be an effective way to mediate feelings of overwhelm. Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and focusing on your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This can help you stay centered and focused, even when things feel chaotic or overwhelming. There are many books, YouTube videos and apps that can help you get started with a mindfulness practice. We love the free app Insight Timer for beginners all the way to those who are advanced with their practice. Find time in your day, even just five minutes, to sit quietly, focus on your breathing and quiet your mind. Guided meditations are helpful for those who feel their mind racing when sitting in silence, but you can also listen to calming music or sound bowls to get centered and calm. If you like to move your body, search for yoga or fitness videos on YouTube to assist in your mindfulness experience. We love Sarah Beth Yoga and Mad Fit because they have free options that get the job done quickly and efficiently from the comfort of your home.
In conclusion, parenting a child with special needs can be challenging, but there are ways to mediate feelings of overwhelm and find a sense of balance in your life. By prioritizing self-care, asking for help, breaking tasks into manageable pieces, and practicing mindfulness, you can reduce stress and feel more in control of your daily tasks. Remember, you are not alone in this experience, and it's okay to ask for help when you need it.
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